


Hateful/Heartful

by orphan_account



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Abuse, For the most part, M/M, Pre-Established Relationship, Suicidal Ideation, fuck okay what even is this, i'm sorry i just played holiday star so i have a lot of feelings, sort of, suicide TW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-20 23:38:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6029802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The events of Holiday Star, retold from Nanaki's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hateful/Heartful

**Author's Note:**

> i?? wanted to write something abt holiday star?? and i really love nanaki?? aka my small son??
> 
> slightly differs from canon, mostly with the bits abt nanaki and hitori being in a romantic relationship (seeing as that's the way i saw it, but). 
> 
> really really shitty sorry
> 
> sorry for the lack of capitalization but i'm lazy as fuck rn

hitori uzune was... how to put it? hitori uzune was nanaki's _everything_. and perhaps the only thing he knew. after all, he was just a nobody. a good-for-nothing shut-in. the world would be better off without him in it. and yet, hitori gave him purpose.

ironically, hitori had almost seemed to guide him away from the ledge -- 'ironic' being the word used because, in the end, hitori had been the one to shove him off and send him spiraling downwards towards the cold, unforgiving cement. of course, that wasn't quite how it had gone down. the method had been pills.

but why?

nanaki had thought and thought about it, but he couldn't find a conclusion.

after all, he knew hitori better than anyone else. and it went vice versa, too, didn't it? no one knew him as well as hitori did. they had gone from friends to dating to-

-to being linked in death.

only, that wasn't how it had gone down, was it?

no, hitori had been selfish. he had wanted to save his brother. so what he had done? even though he had promised to die with him, he had _lived_. he had taken nanaki's identity, taken everything he had been, everything he ever would have been. he had taken it all for himself.

he had left nanaki on the floor, left him pleading. whispering, crying, _screaming_ that he didn't want to die.

nanaki still felt the warm touch of hitori's hand on his own, like a ghost. it reminded him of their first kiss -- he had been attempting to confess, tears streaming down his face like the absolute fucking crybaby he was. and hitori had leaned in, kissing him before he could even fully get his sentence out, the slightly older male's hand covering his significantly smaller one.

he had always been small, hadn't he? not just in the sense of size -- though, really, he was shorter than average -- but in how he took up space. he had never left much of a mark on the world. and... he wouldn't be remembered, would he? would anyone know? know that he was gone, that there was a fake roaming around dressed like him?

probably not.

it was as his pulse began to weaken that he started to feel truly scared. this was real, he was dying, he didn't want to die, he had said he did, he had said it as a casual mantra, as an escape, but holy shit, he didn't want to die he didn't want to die he didn't want to die hedidn'thedidn'thedidn't...

...not that he had much of a choice.

\--

he'd never felt as alone as when he was on the train.

waking up on it was frightening, to say the least -- and outside of the windows, he could see the galaxy stretching for miles. was this... death, then? and where was the train going? where was _he_ going?

as it had before, fear gripped his heart -- a terrifying dark fist made of shadows, squeezing tighter and tighter. making it hard to breath, making it hard to think. it wasn't long before he was shaking and crying, burying himself into his baggy clothing in an attempt to hide from the world.

he saw his chance when the train rolled to a stop. he immediately hopped out, and was greeted by nothing.

out of nothing, he created everything.

his own kingdom. it started small, but grew and grew and grew until he had his own little star. a place he could call him. his appearance changed, but he didn't mind that. he had his friends with him, and they would forever be his friends -- because they were one and the same. they resisted at first, they always resisted, but eventually? they gave in.

together, they became the king.

but then... then, _those_ ones showed up. nageki was there -- the boy hitori had killed him for. and hitori. he had immediately locked hitori away, of course. he didn't want pain in his kingdom. he had left all of that behind. he had tried to convince those with the pair that they could stay, that they could be happy together. but did they listen?

nageki. nageki had defeated him.

and yet, even then, he wasn't allowed a respite. he went along with the migrant and a few of the citizens. they dragged him back to the situations he feared the most. they led him back into a world where change happened, where pain happened. they led him into a world that despised him, that ridiculed him, leaving him with only his grievous memories.

poor nanaki. poor nanaki.

**Author's Note:**

> so that happened


End file.
